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Pray Expendable Pilgrims Eat The World

I missed several films last week and I intend to miss them again.  You see, I have something called trigger finger which makes typing a little painful. As a writer, it forces me to make sure I have something worth saying, which might be a challenge considering that my process usually involves writing down everything I can think to say, then choosing the most amusing option.  If I had nothing but the time and inclination, I would do review roundups for several films that looked interesting.  Luke Wilson starred in a movie about porn Middle Men (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic), and few critics Flipped (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic) for director Rob Reiner’s latest coming-of-age story.  Joel Schumacher directs 50 Cent in Twelve (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic) and Elijah Wood and John Hurt hopefully aren’t the victims of The Oxford Murders (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).  Perhaps these options will sound better on DVD/Netflix, because this weekend marks the end of summer movie season with a trio of powerhouse films.   First up, an indie comic favorite gets the big screen adaptation in Scott Pilgrim Vs the World (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

“Feels like the first movie aimed squarely at the gamer generation: those who have grown up with videogames as a fact of life and, in some cases, a reason for living.” Marshall FineHollywood & Fine

The gaming facts of life include important lessons like when in doubt, hit every button, autosave often, and save the big guns for the big monsters.

“Edgar Wright is cinema’s most inspired mash-up artist, and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World may be his finest hybridization to date, a romantic comedy recast as a mêlée-heavy video game.” Nick Schager Slant Magazine

Do mash-ups improve the more disparate the genres?  If so, it won’t be long before someone puts together a mash-up of puppets and bloodbath action.  Wait, that’s already happened.

From the director of The Lord Of The Rings

“”Scott Pilgrim” devotes itself so firmly to re-creating the look of O’Malley’s saga that it forces and fumbles the feel, full of (indie-rock) sound and (kung-fu) fury, (emotionally) signifying nothing.” James Rocchi MSN Movies

However, the reviewer used Shakespeare to criticize it.  Not such bad company.

“It’s supremely annoying to see the ups and downs of romance reduced to archer-than-arch line readings and bloodless mortal kombat. What’s more frustrating is that the film, adapted from Bryan Lee O’Malley’s popular comic, is an endless visual delight.” Time Out New York Keith Uhlich

Sounds like you enjoyed seeing it, even if you didn’t enjoy watching it. Let’s check in with the country’s angriest critic.

“Wright’s speed and humor are authentic and irresistible. Let’s hope that’s not all his admirers see.” Armond White New York Press

Surprisingly, Armond liked it.  However in his praise, he hopes haters don’t see it.  How did the film win over the ultimate hater?

“Like an animatronic kitten that won’t leave you alone, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World wins its audience over on adorable persistence.” Moira MacDonald Seattle Times

To Protect, Serve, and Cuddle.

Or perhaps you’d prefer to Eat Pray Love (Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic).

“Roberts has taken a role that could have been played very stereotypically (lonely divorcee’ searches for love and the secret of life) and breathes life into it.” Michael A. Smith Nolan’s Pop Culture Review

So, she’s Dr. Frankenstein and the movie is the monster?

“Though targeted to the same female filmgoers who flocked to the self-realization via food porn of “Julie & Julia,” EPL is a comparative downer, letting viewers experience the rush of self-improvement without having to do any of the work. I cried. Mission accomplished?” L.A. Weekly Karina Longworth

Copy that.  We have tears.

“The film never ventures, even once, into a situation that does not reek of comfy familiarity.” The Hollywood Reporter Kirk Honeycutt

The reek of comfort?

“Glibly portrays selfishness as a life choice, ranking gluttony on a par with finding God and a life partner.” Peter Howell Toronto Star

Okay, but of the title’s three options, only one is a daily requirement

“Mostly it’s the pleasant company of Julia Roberts that makes Eat Pray Love a benign, sometimes soporific slide into femme fantasy — a less vulgar shopping trip than Sex and the City.” Kathleen Murphy MSN Movies

Or, if you prefer a more vulgar version of Rambo, consider joining The Expendables (Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic).

“When it gets around to the righteous fightin’ and killin’ bits, The Expendables more than delivers on its promise to be the manliest movie ever made.” Jen Yamato Movies.com

If the manliest thing I do is drink beer,  what will I get out of this movie?

“A throat-slashing, elbow-dropping, grenade-throwing, trigger-pulling, and limb-dismembering good time.” Peter Hall Hollywood.com

Yep, still prefer a cold one.

“When it isn’t bad Shakespeare, this throwback 80s action movie… is like what we might see if Solider of Fortune magazine decided to get into the business of pornography.” MaryAnn Johanson Flick Filosopher

Solider of Fortune also provides house decorating tips.

“Fathers, don’t let your sons grow up without The Expendables.” Joshua TylerCinemaBlend.com

Unless you want your boys growing up with respect for human life, then skip it.

“Expendables is the closest thing to movie Viagra yet invented. It’s reprehensible. It’s stoopid violent. It’s a lot of unholy fun.” Ty Burr Boston Globe

King Sheep isn't sure he wants a movie feeling stiff for four hours.

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