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Low Clouds Get Revenge For Kitty Dinner

Curse those spiteful atmospheric loiterers!  Then again, a few fluffy felines might deserve some damp fur for subjecting audiences to the unwanted sequel: Cats & Dogs 2: Revenge of Kitty Galore (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

“This isn’t so much that the story and characters are weak — though they very much are — but that animatronics and computer animation so anthropomorphize these critters that they bear more resemblance to cartoons than actual flesh-and-fur animals.” The Hollywood Reporter Kirk Honeycutt

Dogs with super-spy technology and flying vehicles, up against a hairless cats heck-bent on world domination. It’s more than just the graphics that make this a cartoon.

“Although it’s great fun for the under-8 set and for those of us monitoring the chaos theory that is Nolte’s career of late, this film is otherwise mediocre and features some of the most uninvolving 3-D CGI since “Clash of the Titans” earlier this year.” Austin Chronicle Marc Savlov

Given the recent parade of uninvolving 3D movies, perhaps we should change the meaning of 3D to 3 dollars extra per ticket.

“Lightly amusing but doggone derivative, the film bombards the audience with jokes, action and effects to produce an overstuffed experience that rarely enchants.” Tim Grierson Screen International

As long as we’re doing pet puns, should we call it a cat-astrophe?

“No movie — whether aimed at adults or kids or canines themselves — has the right to be as tiresome and unoriginal as this action-comedy mutt.” Adam Markovitz Entertainment Weekly

My ‘cat-astrophe’ joke was both tiresome and unoriginal, perhaps I should have gone with:  At a pet store, ‘buy one dog, get one flea’ or another store had a bird contest with no perches necessary.

“Tedious time-killer of a kiddie comedy.” Orlando Sentinel Roger Moore

If you want to waste time, and hate yourself for doing it, go see this movie.  Or you could take the money that you would have spent and use it to buy food for every idiot, crackpot, and nut job within earshot.  You could call it Dinner for Schmucks (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

”Paramount Pictures and director Jay Roach would like to invite you to a dinner they’re hosting, at which you are welcome to laugh at these poor jerks. That’s a little messed up.” Village Voice Dan Kois

Borat was an ignorant racist jerk and I laughed at him. Is it fair to conclude that laughing at jerks is cruel?

“Thank goodness that Dinner for Schmucks is not the soulless, mean-spirited movie that its ads make it out to be… Unfortunately, it’s still not very funny. Outrageous, perhaps, but it’s too full of itself to get emotionally invested in.” David Medsker Bullz-Eye.com

Would these schmucks be as full of themselves if they knew that schmuck meant penis in Yiddish?  The movie could have been called Dinner for Dicks.

“There’s good rapport between Steve Carell and Paul Rudd, who’re well cast as the Odd Couple, which compensates for the softening of the source material (French farce) that was nastier in dissecting manners and mores.” Emanuel Levy EmanuelLevy.Com

Perhaps the dissection of manners wouldn’t work because American’s don’t have any.  Consider this modern role model:

The quality of her manners and food are remarkably similar

“One of the few American adaptations that enhances, rather than exploits, its source material..I kept waiting for it to run out of steam or jokes. But it rarely did.” Marshall FineHollywood & Fine

Conclusion: Critics look for failure in American adaptations.

“Outrageously funny, delightful and heartfelt. Steve Carell has never been funnier. You’ll laugh ‘til it hurts.” Avi Offer NYC Movie Guru

Conclusion: If I see this movie, Steve Carell will hurt me.  If he takes a swing at me, I’ll just Get Low (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

To honor the best reviewed, best acted, best written movie of the week, all responses will be provided pictorially.

“A subtle treasure, a soulful film with a wicked wit, with an ensemble of canny veterans who know terrific material when they’ve got it.” Marshall Fine Hollywood & Fine

“Will appeal strongly to a mature audience drawn to robust characters, dry wit, and great performances.” Boxoffice Magazine Pam Grady

“It’s a pleasure to see what kind of career Bill Murray craving out for himself with this sort of this choice [sic].” Michael Phillips At the Movies
“All you need to know is that Get Low puts Duvall and Murray in the same movie. Only a fool would want to miss that.” Peter Travers Rolling Stone

“Sometimes the singer matters more than the song, and this slightly corny old melody is delivered with such wonderfully off-beat harmony by its amazing cast.” A.O. Scott At the Movies

Our next movie’s is more about the actor than the premise.  It is the story of a teen who can talk to the ghost of his younger brother, but things get complicated when he falls in love; Zac Efron is Charlie St. Cloud (Rotten TomatoesMetacritic).

“Some bad movies should carry a leper’s bell to warn off ticket buyers. Such a contagion is Charlie St. Cloud, a load of mawkish swill starring Zac Efron.” Peter Travers Rolling Stone

If the film is a leper, I want to give it a hug…so long as I can wear a Hazmat suit.

“The surreal thing is, Zac Efron can’t do despair. He plays it by staring. Blankly. And by not smiling. Blankly.” Owen Gleiberman Entertainment Weekly

Is getting photographed with a blank stare cause for despair?

“The picture is a declawed mess, begging for tears in the end. I hope the filmmakers are willing to accept puzzled looks instead.” Brian Orndorf BrianOrndorf.com

Puzzled beats blank.

“Zac Efron makes an affecting and credible dramatic lead in “Charlie St. Cloud,” the movie Nicholas Sparks wishes he could write, based on the book by Ben Sherwood.“ Nell Minow Beliefnet

Sherwood beats Sparks.

“Director Burr Steers milks them dry, like an overeager farmer at milking time, which is a paradox since this is the wettest picture of 2010, what with the sea spray and Efron’s tear ducts and the general metaphysical mist.” Chicago Tribune Michael Phillips

King Sheep doesn’t think a PG-13 movie should be the ‘the wettest picture’ of any year.

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7 Responses

  1. I think I’ll go see Twilight this weekend, since we didn’t get “Get Low.” Boo.

  2. the pet store here in our area offers me a great deal of discount when i buy from them “*-

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