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Crank your state again and play with high voltage

Hidyho, hi-de-ho, high D hoe. Hi.

This week’s movies are aimed at a few key segments of the public.  We have the big cast conspiracy-thriller State of Play (81%).  Also, if you were lined up to see High School Musical 1, 2, or 3 then you might be interested in Zac Efron’s body switching comedy – 17 Again (68%).  And lastly, for you action junkies, Jason Statham returns from death in Crank 2: High Voltage (??%).  We’ll start with the most plausible premise and work our way from there.
“The movie is one of those extra-large tubs of lefty political popcorn: empty calories but delicious nonetheless, especially if you sneak in your own ice-cold can of paranoia.” Joshua Rothkopf Time Out New York

Should I also bring my conservative shoe flask to spike my paranoia cola?  Or perhaps my right wing video camera so I can illegally record the movie?  Clearly State of Play is going to make me ask some hard questions.  For example:

“A study of political power plays, calamitous sexual impulses, and the twilight of newspaper journalism, State of Play is riveting, sublimely acted, and sincerely intelligent…at times.” Brian Orndorf BrianOrndorf.com

But at which times?  When it’s not smart, is it terribly dumb?  Is it intelligent while I’m watching it, but afterwards it starts sucking its thumb and mumbling about carrots?

“As dense as a Watergate era newspaper and as immediate as a blog, State of Play is an absolutely riveting state-of-the-art “big conspiracy” thriller.” Roger Moore Orlando Sentinel

How big are we talking here?  Like so big that calling it big is insulting to its bigness, resulting in orphan quoting ‘big’, which laces the description of size with irony?  Clarification would be helpful here.

“State of Play, based on the outstanding British television series, is a first-rate political thriller, but it’s also something more.” Bill Goodykoontz Arizona Republic

What else is it?  Is it a commentary on America’s entertainment saturated culture? Is it also a romantic comedy about a boy and his pet turtle?  “Something more” raises more questions than it answers.

Will America ever get tired of ripping off quality British programming?

Will America ever get tired of ripping off quality British programming?

“Never a dull moment corporate noir, as more Clark Kent than Superman Crowe releases his inner girlie man, and nicely sexes up that dull as doornails newsroom. Move over Watergate. These lurid machinations make those leaks seem like a mere pipe malfunction.” Prairie Miller NewsBlaze

My question: How’d you end up a professional movie critic talking about sexing up newsrooms and pipe innuendo?  Now then on the opposite end of the spectrum – a movie and an actor that defines an entire generation of happy Disney kids.
“A slack do-over fantasy in which Zac Efron, as a basketball star, looks baffled as to why he hasn’t been asked to sing and dance.” Lisa Schwarzbaum Entertainment Weekly

Okay, so it’s hard to see past his past.  But is this kid the next big thing, or just the big thing of the moment?

“The kid may not be the next Sean Penn, but he is definitely a movie star.” Randy Cordova Arizona Republic

Good for him.  As an open note to Hollywood: please don’t cast Zac in a remake of Ferris Bueller.  I’ve grown tired with seeing the movies of my childhood and teenage years distilled into inferior remakes.

I don't want to see this either

I don't want to see this either

“Funny and lively, with a healthy dollop of sentimentality, it reassures us that all is not lost, except maybe our six-pack abs, as we descend into schlubby, dissatisfied middle age.” Connie Ogle Miami Herald

Perhaps it’s just me, but Mrs. Ogle seems obsessed with the attractiveness of movie stars over the quality of the movie.  We’ll wait and see if that keeps up.  Last up, a sequel that picks up after the main character dies – Crank 2: High Voltage.

“Dear Jason Statham, this is not a review but just a note to say that Lionsgate UK didn’t see fit to run any previews…. ” Victor Olliver Teletext

And that’s all the info there is about that movie.  Never a good sign, but the poster features a B-list action star jumpstarting his heart with a car battery and an alligator clip.  Do you really need to be assured that it’s good?  And for the record, I do think that body switching is a more plausible premise than this:

How is it possible that the guy behind him looks bored?

How is it possible that the guy behind him looks bored?

PDJ would not be bored if someone defibrillated themselves

PDJ would not be bored if someone defibrillated themselves

3 Responses

  1. No more metacritic scores? It’s too normalizing for you, isn’t it?

  2. Ah, Jason Statham: the poor man’s Jean-Claude Van Damme. Which is sad, because _Jean-Claude van Damme_ is the poor man’s Jean-Claude van Damme.

  3. Hook my nipple up to one of those things!

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