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1-2-3-4-5 movies want your money

We have a lot of movies to cover this week (5 in total).  While not all of them will grace your multiplex, they all earned a place in this roundup for a reason.  So, with no ado to spare, let’s start from the most foreign.  First up, The Pope’s Toilet (86%).
“Not as funny as the title would suggest.” Robert Roten Laramie Movie Scope

Obviously.  When I think of the Pope’s toilet, I think of a golden bowl encrusted with diamonds and crosses.  It’s a commentary on materialism expressed through a juxtaposition of my commode and the Papal defecation receptacle.  Isn’t that what other people think of?

“Overall an emotionally rich and tender film, beautifully played, with heart and head in massive abundance.” David Jenkins Time Out

Perhaps we’ll see it in the best foreign film category of next year’s Oscars.  Sadly, that is the fate of too many films that don’t win awards and end up swallowed by the indiscriminate blockbuster category: foreign films. The clumsy categories mean that a person won’t find this tender rich film in drama, or next to other inspirational comedies.  Instead, a person would have to be in the mood for a foreign film in order to look for movies there and when was the last time you did that?  Enough soap boxing, onto a movie that makes me want to ramp it up to a tirade: Anvil! The Story of Anvil: (98%).
“A hymn to the human spirit, played in power chords … It isn’t just better than most music documentaries; it’s better than most documentaries, period.” James Rocchi Cinematical

I’m doing an air guitar solo right now.

“Not just one of the best films ever made about rock’n’roll, but an astute exploration of the thin border between ambition and dementia, a moving hymn to friendship, and a heartbreaking acknowledgement of the utter unfairness of life in general.” Andrew Mueller Uncut Magazine [UK]

But it's an anvil.  Should it be the Speed of Pound?

But it's an anvil. Should it be the Speed of Pound?

It sounds incredible, especially when you see that 54 reviewers watched it, loved it, and only one didn’t like it.  I feel compelled to let that person speak for himself.

“Not as interesting as last year’s rockumentaries Heavy Load or Heavy Metal In Baghdad and is nowhere near as funny as Spinal Tap.” Sun Online

Is there not room in the genre of film for all those movies?  Why must comparing them to each other result in one being demoted?  Regardless of the naysayer, what’s the big reason to make an effort to track this movie down?

“It’s a hilarious, and unexpectedly moving, documentary about the greatest metal band you’ve probably never heard of.” Owen Gleiberman Entertainment Weekly

Okay, get ready for a harsh segue because we’re moving from a critically lauded documentary masterpiece to an embarrassing piece of genre hopping crud.  Okay, take the McDonalds of Manga and try to make it an appealing meal for someone who doesn’t like either.  The result?

dragonball-1sht__scaled_300Now then, you may notice Spike from Buffy (James Marsters) and Chow Yun Fat star in this paycheck movie.  And if your CrapDAR went off, it did so for a good reason (21%).  Now comes the fun part: why?

“The special effects are rotten. Some CG landscapes even look as bad as those cardboard backdrops they used in old ‘Sixties Star Trek episodes!” James O’Ehley Sci-Fi Movie Page

But I love campy movies.

Dragonball Z: inspiring kids everywhere to play catch with fireballs

Dragonball Z: inspiring kids everywhere to play catch with fireballs

“Tearing through its mystical, who-gives-a-toss storyline like a pissed bat bouncing off cave walls, Dragonball’s cocktail of cheap effects, eye-rolling cliches and dismal direlogue will have fans of the series condemning it as a beyond-lame failure.” Matt Mueller Total Film

That sounds pretty bad all right, especially the bit about the bat.  What should I do?

“Run a mile in any direction from Dragonball Evolution.” Nigel Andrews Financial Times

Can do.  After all, I wanted to run a mile away from the new Hanna Montana movie too, but the reviews gave me brief pause (44%).
“Hannah Montana: The Movie, like an Elvis film, is an all-American corporate product designed to please people fast and make money, an occasional treat like a soda pop or a cheeseburger … and just as bad for kids if that’s all they ever consume.” James Rocchi Redbox

So if I eat just a little bit of Hanna Montana, I’ll be okay?

“You don’t eat a Twinkie to lose weight, and you don’t see this film to challenge yourself emotionally or intellectually.” Bill Goodykoontz Arizona Republic

Wait, is Hanna Montana the Twinkie in this example?  And why is food on people’s brains?

“Nothing but an impersonal product manipulating kids who don’t know better. All Hannah Montana does is steal their lunch money.” Matt Pais Metromix.com

Brutal.  And brutality is the name of the game with arguably the biggest movie opening this weekend: Observe and Report (55%).  This one split the reviewers with it’s dark comedy and left some people confused while others sang its praises.
“As funny as it is sick (and it’s plenty of both).” Philadelphia Inquirer  Steven Rea

Funny and sick.  What else?

“This new movie is crazier, scarier, funnier, and more bewildering. It’s the strangest movie I expect to see from a Hollywood studio for the rest of the year.” Boston Globe  Wesley Morris

Funny, sick, scary, crazy, strange and bewildering.  Anything else need to be on this list?

“It’s Paul Blart with a nasty streak, a perverse kind of farce that most people will be more likely to recoil from than to laugh at.” Frank Swietek One Guy’s Opinion

Okay, add nasty and perverse and apparently we get a modern Taxi Driver comedy where people will laugh at how scared they are.  Worked for Borat.

World's funniest, scariest, strangest, nastiest, and most bewildering one peice bathing suit.

World's funniest, scariest, strangest, nastiest, and most bewildering mankini ever.

Enjoy your weekend.

PDJ went blind after looking at the Borat picture

PDJ went blind after looking at that Borat picture

2 Responses

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