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Bondage

Whew. You weren’t so frightened of the subject line that you avoided reading this. Awesome. Now then, a handful of movies open this weekend and they all are sharing reviewer love. Maybe critic happiness is tied to weather; hence the Oscar season of holiday movies. Hmm. Anyhow, you probably won’t hear much about Slumdog Millionaire (90%) directed by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 days later) or A Christmas Tale (93%) which tells the darkly comic story of an estranged son returning home for the holidays. Chances are you don’t care about these movies because this weekend is all about Bond. And how did Bond’s latest outing of espionage and action do? Pretty well actually (Quantum of Solace – 69%).


The consensus seems to be that it’s not as good as Casino Royale, but there is disagreement on how close it came. It’s a true sequel (picking up where the previous installment left off) which is rare for Bond. Here Bond mourns Vesper by killing all the people responsible for her death. Since revenge is dish best served as cold as a penguin’s ass in the dead of winter, let’s hear how icy and grim Bond got this time around.

“Revenge is a dish best served with bullets, high explosives and fireballs. In QoS James Bond orders the revenge buffet, deluxe.” Kyle Smith KyleSmithOnline.com

I like my revenge comparison better.

“Still having a bad day in Quantum’s leap into radically chilling ruthlessness, that homicidally gifted 007 pursues without the least hesitation, revenge as a dish best served with a cold Martini.” Prairie Miller NewsBlaze

I’m sticking with penguin ass. So lots of BOOM! and POW! with a little less quip. We get it; he’s tortured and really good at hurting people. Bond goes thuggish with a grimace rather than a smirk. Enough of that, let’s play a game. It’s called good review, bad review. Let’s see if you can tell Quantum of Solace praise from criticism.

Yep. Quantum was a real short story from the original author.


“While I’m most definitely disappointed with the film- I still enjoyed it once I accepted the fact that it bares no resemblance to the Bond franchise that I know and love.” Chris Bumbray rec.arts.movies.reviews

You’d think disappointment would be a deal breaker, but it wasn’t. Thumbs up.

“Bond’s one-liners are replaced by stoic stares. The flirty martini has been traded in for self-hating binge drinking. And even 007’s bedroom shenanigans are condensed to a mere quickie.” Mike Ward Richmond.com

Sounds pretty bad, but it wasn’t. While the ladies might disagree, this guy didn’t let any of his problems get in the way of liking it. Another thumb aimed at clouds.

Yep. He still looks like this.

“The result isn’t bland, but it’s not exactly Bond either.” Joe Neumaier New York Daily News

‘Not bland’ sounds ‘not bad.’ But it was. Thumbs down.

“The 22nd Bond film too often seems like an old friend on the wrong anti-depressant: still the person you love, but the rhythm’s off and the precious moments fewer and further between.” Peter Canavese Groucho Reviews

He was right on the fence (2.5 out of 4), but still good enough to hitchhike.

“Forster could craft Quantum of Solace into a thoughtful rumination on revenge and what it does to the soul or he could blow stuff up. Guess what he does.” Willie Waffle WaffleMovies.com

The director must blow stuff up really well, because ol’ Willie Waffle liked it.

“So jam-packed with stuntwork, shootouts, and standoffs that the conspiracy-oriented plot can barely get a word in edgewise.” Bill Gibron Filmcritic.com

Apparently the plot was important to Billy because this one was negative. Well, you get the idea. Most critics have some problem with it, but it succeeds at giving us more of what we got with Casino Royale. The problem is – the idea is a little less fresh now. As a final thought, let’s end with someone who’s really got their finger on the most important aspect of a believable Bond and rebooting the franchise so it resonated with modern sensibilities.

“Since this is really the origin story of a man who kills people for a living, a darker tone makes total sense. I mean, really…do you want to go back to jet-packs?” Jenna Busch UGO

Only on DVD. Take care all.

Predict Justice Damn-it.

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One Response

  1. i love swimming in the ocean

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