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The prince named after the sea

Prince Caspian
July 25-27
$1 admission
Audian Theater, Pullman WA

So there are a lot of 6’s involved with this movie: 66% positive reviews (106 out of 160) with an average rating of 6.3/10. I don’t bring this up to imply that there is a hellish numeric conspiracy haunting a Christian movie parable, rather…well I don’t have a rather. I guess I did mean to imply there was a demonic number conspiracy. Let’s see if there is any evidence to support my ridiculously unfounded observation.

“If anything, this sequel could have used more hellfire. You leave feeling covered in a blanket of bland.” Peter Travers Rolling Stone

Okay. Just to play devil’s advocate, adding a few flames of eternal damnation to any movie is likely to spice it up. All those 6’s are probably just coincidence.

“In steering the film closer to his own vision, director Adamson steers it away from C.S. Lewis’s, and so it loses some of the book’s core spiritual themes.” Peter T. Chattaway Christianity Today

“Much of what makes the first Narnia movie work is, literally, missing in action in the spiritless sequel.” John Wirt Advocate (Baton Rouge, LA)

So at best, this sequel substitutes spiritual themes for war and fighting. At worst, it has no soul.

Nothing suspicious in this photo


“If this is a movie for children than I can only guess the filmmakers had Donald Rumsfeld’s grandkids in mind when they made it.” Richard Knight Windy City Times

Okay. I assume that Mr. Knight is categorizing Rumsfeld as a war-mongering power-mad grandpa who puts his children to bed in Halliburton footies, but why would his grandkids be the target audience? What lessons does this film endorse?

“If there’s one genre of family film that’s my personal favorite, it’s the one featuring a sword-fight to the death.” Mark Ramsey MovieJuice!

Ah. So the wholesome message is that it’s okay to gore enemies with a cutlass even though you couldn’t take one to school or on a plane. Very Rumsfeldian. Let’s stay in this mode and read some nonsense.

“Puss in Boots, Gimli and Jesus Christ walk into a bar. The bartender, noticing how down they all look, asks what’s wrong…” Gina Carbone Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)

I’ve got that weird feeling where I hear the set up for a joke, but not the punch line. Hopefully the movie isn’t the punch line. Hm.

Behold the sacred text from whence came yonder film


“Ben Barnes [Prince Caspian] looks lost, with a thick Mediterranean accent reminiscent of Mandy Patinkin’s avenging Spaniard from The Princess Bride: ‘My name is Inigo Montoya–you killed my father–prepare to die!’” Kimberly Gadette LivePDX

So what if the review has little to do with the movie, everyone loves Princess Bride quoting. And on that note, when I am asked if I take Sarah’s hand in marriage, I will resist the instinct to say ‘as you wish.’

Party.
Drink.
Jubilation.

I’m off to get married. Weeeee!

Don’t mess with the Jesus!

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One Response

  1. “Mawwiage is what bwings us togevah, today…”

    Good luck, mate!

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