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Looks like Hell, but in a good way.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Village Cinemas 7:10p 9:40p
Admission: always too much

Hello all faithful readers. This week I’m doing something a little different and giving everyone the heads up on a movie that’s coming out this weekend. That’s right, not a cheapo 3rd run crapfest, but an expensive, shiny 1st run blockbuster (plus it has blasphemy in the title). First, the setup: In the mid-nineties, visionary artist Mike Mignola created Hellboy, a demon summoned by Nazis and raised by American soldiers.

The comic was such a hit that director Guillermo Del Toro developed it into a big budget film. The original movie impressed more than depressed critics (79%) and the sequel is on track for the same reviewer love (87% thus far). For those of you who are skeptical (or skeptible) of a superhero movie that wasn’t around when you were a kid, here’s the sales pitch.

“Fun from start to finish, Hellboy tries to bridge the gap between fanboys and their parents. And it succeeds — in part thanks to Barry Manilow.” David Foucher EDGE Boston

Horary for the man who brought Mandy to the world. Did you know that he wrote the songs that made the whole world sing? Oh, and Copacabana.

“Hellboy is it’s own world. That is a compliment and also the problem. Director Guillermo del Toro has envisioned a fantastic looking world, but it’s just a vision.” Jeff Bayer The Scorecard Review

Hold up, you’re holding this movie to an unfair standard. The criticism is that it didn’t create a new world? First, all movies are ‘just visions.’ And second, if he had created a new world, where would we put it?

Don’t try to resist the cuteness. Give in! Give in!

“Hellboy is without a doubt the most compelling and interesting superhero character ever on screen.” Joshua Tyler CinemaBlend.com

At least until The Dark Knight comes out. Three cheers in the meantime.

“…in a summer of billionaires with robot suits and nerdy scientists with rage issues, somehow the red-skinned demon who drinks beer in the shower is the big screen superhero I can relate to the most.” Luke Y. Thompson L.A. Weekly

That’s an amusing (if somewhat disturbing) insight into the life of a movie critic. If I’d had a beer in the shower this morning, I’d probably be grumpy by lunchtime. Like this guy.

“Simply a bull in a china shop, smashing around aimlessly, desperately hoping we’ll at least be impressed with the horns.” Matt Pais Metromix.com

Maybe it’s just me, but I’d be plenty impressed with a hornless bull prancing around a Crate and Barrel. And entertained. And pooping myself. Let’s move towards a conclusion.

“A feast for the senses: Del Toro’s wild imagination is boundless and Hellboy II unfolds as a spectacle of lights, sounds, images and effects, some of which highly original and diabolically amusing.” Emanuel Levy EmanuelLevy.Com

A diabolically imaginative feast of amusing originality and boundless spectaclality (complete with sounds, lights, and images). Are you sold yet?

Purgatory Don’t Justify

Better dead than what?

This is Abe. He’s the cute one.

Look! Hellboy is as famous as Jordon!

6 Responses

  1. Saw it today. Imaginative as can be, but still somewhat unaffecting as an action/adventure. It has a personality and oddness that really do pay off thanks to Barry Manilow. If you have a tolerance for the weird, a thirst for cool, and like your action laced with humor, then this boy’s for you. 8/11

  2. That’s pretty disappointing for me actually. I mean, sure, the preview pretty much gave you the tone of the movie (imagination, some action, no real guffaws), but I’m still let down. When I read the comics, they’re just such a cavalcade of humor and creepiness.

    Hellboy is an over-the-top character, and the movies really try too hard to level him out.

    Guess it’s time to write our own.

  3. That’s not a bad idea. Maybe we should do quick little re-writes of the movies that bomb.

    “This is how ya shoulda done it!”


  4. Let’s start with Hancock. Our new mission statement: Let’s finish the movie we started and not suck! The new plot, Hancock resists going to prison (after wrecking the city) and is forced to do community service. After using his super speed to dish out soup at a shelter and clean up trash on the freeway, Hancock gets offered a complete pardon if he joins the military. He tries a mission but retreats further into the bottle to deal with the stress. Rather than continue, he gives in and goes to jail. Time passes and Hancock is forgotten. In prison he learns to resolve conflicts peacefully and becomes a pacifist. The end of the movie is a whole team of evil super villans showing up. What will happen? Tune in for the sequel.

  5. Wow. I took that way to seriously.

  6. I haven’t even seen Hancock, and I already like that version better!

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