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Big muscles, ogre tan, and a penchant for 3rd person self-reflection

The Incredible Hulk
Audian Theater Pullman, WA
$1 admission

First, let’s get the nay saying out of the way by addressing the most common questions/concerns. Yes, this Hulk is a remake, but it’s almost a sequel to Ang Lee’s 2003 Hulk movie (This new one begins where the last one left off). No, that probably wasn’t intentional (because the studio would rather you forget about the other version). Yes, the Hulk is still a big CGI beast that looks like a posable plastic toy to some people. Yes, general audience consensus was that the 2003 Hulk movie was a stinker (although critics didn’t think so: 61% positive). Yes, this Hulk was better reviewed (68% positive), but the old Hulk made more money ($132 mil versus $124 mil [to date]). No, I’m not going to begin every sentence with a Yes or No. So, if the 2003 Hulk got a 61% and the new Hulk got a 68%, is the reboot only 7% better?

“Why remake a crappy movie five years later if it’s only going to be
marginally less crappy?” Dana Stevens Slate

Probably because people like us will pay to see it (at least for a dollar). But you just repeated my question back to me. Are we getting an improvement or the same movie with a new coat of green paint?

Whoa. Check out Lou. Has he gotten bigger?

“If The Incredible Hulk, a plastic, steroidally pumped reattempt, is what the fanboys really wanted, then they don’t deserve directors like Ang Lee.” Joshua Rothkopf Time Out New York

Fine, then you don’t deserve a pronounceable last name. Enough comparison! For the people who choose to forget the old and focus on the new, what are we getting?

“If it’s not the best Superhero film since ”Batman Begins”, it’s still an early contender for one of the Best Films of the Year. This Hulk is Incredible!” Clint Morris Moviehole

That’s more like it. But points off for using the word “incredible” in your review. It’s a hack move and some critic always has to do it. I can already hear critics calling the Dark Knight ‘dark’ and Hellboy ‘boyish’ or ‘hellish’. Let’s hear from the critics who regressed to Hulk-speak.

“Me no like new Hulk much.” Danny Minton Beaumont Journal

“Hulk. Smash. But not Smash Movie.” Sean McBride Sean the Movie Guy

Thanks children. Anyone else ready to get punny?

“Now, this is how you go green.” Christopher Smith Bangor Daily News (Maine)

Nice one. Before we finish, we need at least one person to comment on the CGI (since graphics replace actors down the home stretch).

“The Hulk looks like a dark, shiny, muscular pickle.” Sean O’Connell Filmcritic.com

I assume that’s a bad thing because I hate pickles, but if you’d said cucumber I’d be just as confused. Let’s end with some context. This summer has been all about the superheroes (Batman, Hellboy, Iron Man), how does the Hulk fit in?

“Can anybody smell the franchise that Marvel is cooking?” Kam Williams Black Star News

Yeah, it smells like the Avengers (the superhero group that features both Iron Man and the Hulk), oh, and money.

Pecks Do Jiggle

AHHHH! Giant Pickle Monster!

Awwwww! Giant Pickle Toy!

4 Responses

  1. I hate seeing a zero under comments, so I’m going to start commenting on myself. Uh…nice work Pat.

  2. Yeah, how do we get some traffic up in here? I know we’re not boring, so it must be that no one’s getting our message!

  3. I know! Plus, people tell me they read what we write, but no one comments! Perhaps we need to provide incentives! And use more exclamation points! From now on, if you comment on this blog (and you’re not Nate or I) then you get a free penny! That’s right! Every comment gets you $.01 cash money! The only stipulation on receiving your money is that it takes 42 comments to pay for the stamp, so get commenting!

  4. I want to touch The Hulk’s muscles! Do I get a free penny this weekend? Please!

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