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Hot Bad-Ass Speed

Speed Racer
Audian Theater Pullman, WA
$1 admission
Sat-Sun 6pm 8:30pm

Despite the lack of number love (36% positive), the nutty and uneven experimentation of the Wachowski’s proved a serious descriptive challenge for critics. In trying to explain the movie to audiences, reviewers compare SR to everything from kaleidoscopic vomit to being trapped in a gumball machine on acid. The core question here is: can a movie that’s all style, no substance, be goodish? As the jingle says, Go, Speed Racer. Go.

“No, Speed Racer. No.” Christopher Smith Bangor Daily News (Maine)

Touche…jerk.

“At times the film feels like Hot Wheels on either steroids or LSD – or both.” Bob Bloom Journal and Courier (Lafayette, IN)

“Comparable to dousing one’s eyeballs in a sugary hyper-digitized Skittles soup.” Nick Schager Slant Magazine

Despite being negative, both of those reviews sound they could be a good time (Hot Wheels and Skittles Soup sounds like a 7th grader’s perfect day dream).

“As entertaining as a sugar-addled 5-year-old, Speed Racer left me feeling like I’d been in a hit and run with a box of Crayolas.” Kevin Williamson Jam! Movies

He must have been thinking of his 5-year-old in this example because someone else’s sugar-crazed kids running people over with Crayolas sounds pretty funny. Despite the amusing comparisons we still don’t have a clear sense of what this movie does to an audience.

“Speed Racer may very well give your brain diabetes, and I state that as compliment.” Rob Humanick Projection Booth

I find this comment disturbing for several reasons. One, I don’t think brain diabetes is any flavor of good. Two, I think the author is a robot. Instead of telling us who he writes for, he tells us where he is. Plus, his name could be considered a sinister plan to take over the world. Robbing humans? What exactly does he want to steal from us (other than our ability to control insulin production)? But I’m getting off track, let’s have some hyperbole.

“The fastest, most furious movie of all time.” Fred Topel Can Magazine

Of all time? Ah, Fred ‘not Ted Copel’ Topel. I’ve got to stop quoting you. You’re creating a place for yourself as an erratic mood pendulum critic and I’m feeling remiss in encouraging you. Let’s wrap this up. Since this movie threw critics for a loop, we end with a thumbs askew review.

“”Speed Racer” is a stylish, electrifying, intense and visually breathtaking catastrophe of a movie…” David Keyes Cinemaphile.org

Peddling Downhill Jauntily


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