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See no evil, hear no who.

Horton Hears a Who!
Audian 6:30/8:45

Dr. Seuss is to movies what Dick Cheney is to Nobel Peace Prizes, that is, they don’t go together. Up until now, the good doctor’s illustrated tales have been the basis for the unappealing Grinch and the unwatchable Cat in the Hat. This week we find out if the third time is the charm or if the third time completes an unholy trifecta of exploitive crap hell-bent on squeezing undeserved cash out of beloved children’s classics. What do we got?

“What distinguishes Horton Hears a Who! from the other recent Dr. Seuss film adaptations is that it is not one of the worst movies ever made.” A.O. Scott New York Times

Kudos. That almost sounds like a compliment. I’m glad to hear that it’s not one of the worst movies ever made. Next question: how close is it to being the worst movie ever made?

“Teeters throughout at that juncture between masterpiece and piffle.” Walter Chaw Film Freak Central

Okay. Those two things aren’t very close together. Anyone want to try to make less sense with their review?

“It’s metaphysically literal, or literally metaphysical.” Fred Topel Can Magazine

Nice work Fred. We need to unpack that description a little. Apparently the allegorical angle is open to interpretation. Should we expect religious overtones?

“[W]hat has Hollywood done with this gentle plea for tolerance? It has been turned into something that looks astonishingly like far-right propaganda about how Christians are a persecuted minority — as if this were 100AD in the Roman Empire…” MaryAnn Johanson Flick Filosopher

Okay, wow. The Filosophers (who misspell their own name) have spoken. Let’s balance that with the snobs.

“The metaphysical angle is too awkward: Horton comes off like a Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster.” Stephen Himes Film Snobs

Somewhere between ancient Roman religious persecution and Pastafarianism lies the truth. It sounds like our first G-rated film is part of an eternal struggle between good and evil. I don’t know if we should expect warm fuzzies or hairballs. Let’s wrap this up.

“No elevating moments, but a few of pure mirth: “In my world,” says one of the film’s furry woodland creatures, “everybody’s a pony, they eat rainbows and poop butterflies … ” Now that would be something to see.” John Anderson Variety

Indeed it would.

Politely Dodging Jehovah

One Response

  1. i’d rather eat ponies and bee a rainbow

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