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Like the city in Alaska

Everybody loves Juno [6:30/9] (at least more than Raymond). It’s
undeniable (and I hate hyperbole). When was the last time I sent you
an email about a movie with 93% positive reviews? SO- the Haters
(that’s 13 out of 179 critics) get one free shot. Go.

“What a hideous piece of faux-hipster crap.” David Cornelius eFilmCritic.com

Curse those faux-hipsters with their pseudo-wise wise cracks and
semi-serious slander. You can tell by the bluntness of his web
address that he was born without a sense of humor. Tragic. On to the
Juno fans.

“After three viewings, I kind of feel like I have a crush on ‘Juno’
the movie and Juno the character. I’m poised halfway on the emotional
scale between the bemused affection of Juno’s tolerant father and the
wide-eyed wonder of Juno’s pale boyfriend.” John Beifuss Commercial
Appeal (Memphis, TN)

Uh. Does anyone else get a little ick off that review? Describing
your emotional relationship with a movie, especially when you call it
a crush, gets a blip on stalker-dar. But I’m being too harsh. There’s
nothing wrong with a little bemused affection for an art house
upstart. So long as it doesn’t go too far. Right John? Let’s
brighten the mood.

“Juno is the best movie of the year. It’s the best screenplay of the
year, and it features the best actress of the year working with the
best acting ensemble of the year.” Tom Long Detroit News

That’s the best overuse of best I’ve ever seen. Someone get this guy
a thesaurus. We know the movie is good, heck most of the people
reading this have already seen it. Use a metaphor and help us
understand why we should see it a second time.

“If Juno were cheese and macaroni, it would be among the most
satisfying mac-and-cheese dishes ever conceived.” John Wirt Advocate
(Baton Rouge, LA)

Is he saying that Juno is like movie comfort food or is he plugging
Kraft and implying that it’s the cheesiest? Regardless, he made the
mistake of writing when he wanted to be eating. We on the other hand
intend to drink when we want to be drinking (my office 8pm) and watch
a movie when we want to be playing darts. We need a final word.

“Excels in smart, stylishly rude, tangy teen dialogue, courtesy of
screenwriter and former stripper and phone sex operator, Diablo Cody,
boasting career choices that have assisted her in perfecting talking
dirty on screen into a science, I guess.” Prairie Miller NewsBlaze

Oddly, I don’t remember seeing much of the author’s backstory in the
movie. Perhaps there is a deleted scene featuring a trash-talking
writer/stripper named Diablo. If not, let’s keep our fingers crossed
for the sequel.

PDJ

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