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Trailers and Fishes

I went to see Transformers for the first time last night. Normally, I’d be gracing you with a review, but today’s Coming Distractions really says it all. However, I would like to discuss the following trailer which some of you may have seen:

We begin with shaky-cam video a la Blair Witch Project except it’s filming a going away party instead of stick figure effigies. The dialogue is witty, but suddenly interrupted by a monstrous growl and earthquake. Party-goers rush to the roof in time to see a huge fireball erupt in the middle of the city skyscrapers. People flee on the streets and the hand-cam zooms in on a piece of flying debris which turns out to be the face of the Statue of Liberty. The screen flashes the name J.J. Abrams, the date 1.18.08, and the normal screen credits page. Title? None.

I know J.J. likes his mystery to be swallowed in 1000 mg horse pills, but this is a little much. Of course the preview is doing its job of making me immensely curious, but the sweet sensation of anticipation is dulled by resentment and frustration. Immediately after seeing the trailer, I thought it was a mistake. Maybe I should let the staff know they have a bad trailer reel. Later that night, I started to think it was either the best marketing idea ever, or the worst.

Now, I just feel like smacking J.J. around a little. Especially if Lost doesn’t follow through. Oh yeah, I’m lumping it all together.

In other news, I simply must tell you about the most fascinating activity I participated in this last Saturday. The Mount Vernon Children’s Art Festival has been going on for many years, and my wife has been helping her mom for many of them. I was recently enlisted to help with the booth called “Fish Prints.” In this artistic activity, we thumb our noses at PETA, taking donated fish and using them like Captain Ahab’s Barbie dolls.

Stage 1: Place a dead fish on a cafeteria tray and give it to a child armed with powdered tempra paint.

Stage 2: (not pictured) Place a piece of paper atop the art deco fish and press firmly upon its lifeless flesh.

Stage 3: Wash the fish and return it to the table for further experimentation in color Nihilism.

This poor fish in my hand is about the cleanest he can get after about two runs through the wringer. My joy is unparalleled.

My favorite quotes of the day came from both children and parents alike. “Are these real fish?” “Are these fish real or dead?” “Can I poke the eyeball?”

What really strikes me as odd is the fact that this booth was one of the most popular ones in the entire field. Despite being bent over for most of the day, it’s not my back that hurts but rather my legs from all the running about. You wouldn’t believe how irate some adults would become if their child didn’t get to paint the fish they wanted. They acted as though they were paying for the experience and wanted to get their money’s worth. It’s a fish! Just commit your defacement and be on your way!

So that’s the way of things in Mount Vernon. I daresay that a repeat performance will most likely be demanded next year. We shall see.

Peace out, my home boys.

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One Response

  1. It’s enough to make you wonder if all evil in this world sprouts from the good intensions of an overprotective (and demanding) parent.

    Off with their heads!

    Until I become one of them.

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